As I've already mentioned, Wednesday was prison day. After leaving the Broad River Prison facilities in Columbia, I began the trek back to the Boro. First of all, I've got an admission to make: I have, at times, driven in excess of the posted speed limit. There have also been occasions when I have reacted, er, less than kindly when other members of the motoring public, evidently believing- erroneously in my opinion- that they had adequate space and time to maneuver their autos in front of mine, thus moving sharply in front of my vehicle. When these misinformed motorists react on this faulty presumption, I generally wave to them; folding my thumb and three of my fingers against my palm to give them my estimate of their driving IQ. Mess with the bull, you get the horns (or, more accurately, the bird).
Well, it turns out that even fabulous drivers like me can make choices that turn out to be less than optimal. Around Orangeburg I decided to stop for gas, and glanced to my left at the exit, saw an approaching black Dodge 300 (equiped with a Hemi!), but figured I had time to turn. I did have time... because the dude braked. I proceeded to the next gas station, and to my horror, saw the the Dodge pull in to the pump next to me. I got out of the car and gave my best tough-guy look. This is not easy, because I'd thrown my back out last week and could barely move. Anyway, dude gets out of the car. It's Izzy Mandelbaum. Remember Izzy Mandelbaum from Seinfeld? C'mon, the character played by Lloyd Bridges that's, like 70 and is always looking for a fight? It's Go Time! Well, I'm imbedding some Izzy in case you forgot. Anyway, dude's looks at me, figures I'm probably 15 years younger than he is, but apparently can't help himself:
Izzy: Wow, that wasn't even a Hollywood stop at the exit there.
SD (suppressing my testosterone urge to request that he perform an impossible sexual act by his lonesome): Yeah, sorry about that.
Izzy: You didn't stop at all.
SD (feeling liberated by his desire to continue the discussion): Well, I figured you'd stop, plus, I had to beat you to the gas station.
Izzy: You couldn't beat me, you don't have the horsepower.
SD (a little hurt at the insult to the SpongeBobMobile): I did beat you.
Izzy: Grrr!
He then limps off into the foodmart. It's obvious his back is killing him even more than mine's hurting me. It's a good thing, too. For both of us. It was Go Time!
Leo Baggett
About Me
- superdave524
- I was born in Montana, raised in Tampa, and reside in a small town in the lowcountry of South Carolina with the Lovely Lady Di, and son Tyler. Walterboro (the 'Boro) has about 5,100 residents. It's a moderately interesting place. I work in the public defender's office representing poor people charged with crimes. Some of them did it. Some of them didn't do it. Some are not very nice, a lot of them are just regular Joes with a huge plate of bad luck. I'm a moderately interesting fellow, who has the good fortune to know or be related to some very interesting people. Is there anyone out there?
8 comments:
My back hurts, too ... and I almost got run over today by a road ragin' dude in a giant truck ... circle of life, man.
I think I'll go rant about health insurance companies.
Even though everyone can see the Spomobile coming, doesn't mean they'll all get out of your way. Darn good for you he wasn't sporting a confederate flag and rifle rack in the back window...'twas Orangeburg. Be careful out there big boy.
What a letdown. You promised me a good story.
Health Insurance companies suck! I'm wit' you Chase.
I was pretty safe, Amy. This was at the Arby's exit. Lot more Buckeye fans than Yosemite Sams at that exit.
Sorry to let you down, John. I'll try to do better next time. Did you like the Izzy clip, anyway?
The other comment looks like spam, so Imo eighty-six it.
Is that what is happening to the world's supply of pennies? Who says they aren't worth carrying?
Hey Dave, I reread my comment and it sounded kinda harsh in the light of day. What I was trying to say is that I was expecting spilt blood or explosions or something (damn, that sounds harsh too. I'm not good at this)
And any Seinfeld clips works for me. They're all great.
Sunny's talking about tales of my youth. I am not as careful a driver as I oughta be now, but in my yout' I used to carry pennies in my ashtray. If someone cut me off then, I'd grab a handful and fling them at the offender. Really a long time ago. In another State.
John, the sad truth is, my life is just not that exciting. I haven't had an actual physical fight in almost three decades. In the immortal (immoral?) words of Hank Williams, Jr. "corn bread and icetea's took the place of pills and 90 proof" (okay, I never took reacreational pills). So, I take my thrills in small things (and vicariously through the exploits of Andy and Chase, who run 100 mile races and live to tell about it). I'm glad you liked the Seinfeld.
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