When Pigs Fry.

I had just had a huge helping of hogmeat at Duke's Barbeque Friday night after watching Tyler's North Walterboro Christian Academy Warriors basketball team lose a close game to Hardeeville's Abundant Life Academy Cougars, when, in my nightly Bible reading I read this from Isaiah_66:17: “Those who consecrate and purify themselves to go into the gardens, following the one in the midst of those who eat the flesh of pigs and rats and other abominable things—they will meet their end together,” declares the Lord" That seems pretty immutable, doesn't it? Probably they should have put a warning outside the shop that "eating pork barbeque may cause hypertension, diabetes, and eternal damnation". Nah. Jesus seems to have given us a loophole, here, when he tossed out a bevy of dietary prohibitions by proclaiming it wasn't what went into a person's mouth that made him unclean in Matthew, but the unkind or nasty stuff that came out of his mouth. I was breathing a sigh of relieve, hoping that Jesus had changed all this "eating pork is an abomination" talk, when I caught a litany of death penalty-punishable sins recounted in an ad in Walterboro's Press and Standard newspaper by self-described "evangelist Walt". Homosexuals topped the list, but adulterers, blasphemers, witches, and those folks who cursed their fathers or mothers are all supposed to die (interestingly, but scripturally accurately, murderers and those causing accidental death don't have to die if they can slip off to a city of refuge). He left out working on the Sabbath; and the verse I'd encountered in Isaiah didn't make the list, which I'm sure is a great relief to the pork purveyors at Duke's, but was still intent that a large group of miscreants ought to be killed. But, wait... Didn't Jesus toss out the death penalty for a lot of the rules that he didn't get rid of altogether, when told the folks about to stone an adultress to death that they'd better be without sin themselves before they pick up those big rocks? My point is that we can all be kind of particular about what stuff emphasize in the Bible, and what stuff we can just sort of passover (pun intended). For example, I don't see where Jesus specifically abolished the prohibition of wearing clothes made of more than one fabric contained in Leviticus 19:19; so, should I be feeling a little hot under the collar in my cotton/poly blend shirt, or did Jesus implicitly get rid of ALL the "uncleanness" laws? I like Garry Wills' take on the "Unclean" in What Jesus Meant. When you've got a choice between the dietary and uncleanness laws- including laws governing sex- and Jesus' law of love, go with the law of love: Love God with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself.

You Might Be an Observant Muslim if...

Most folks in these parts are fans of Jeff Foxworthy and his "You Might Be a Redneck if..." routines... and mugs... and calendars. My brother, the Amazing AndyMan, got me a "You Might Be a Reckneck If..." calendar last Christmas. There are some good ones, some okay ones, and some "365 days is a lot of days to come up with a different You Might Be a Redneck If joke" ones. I've gotten a bit behind in both my posts and in my calendar adjustments, so I was going through a couple of weeks of calendar readings this morning, when I caught the one for Friday, October 26th, pictured at left. I'd put it in the "okay" category. It's mildly amusing: You Might Be a Redneck If... Sitting on your sofa means waking a relative." But wait, what's that little observance notation above the date?


Go ahead and look below.

  

It says Eid al-Adha. I know President's Day, Christmas, Hannukah, and even Canada's "Boxing Day", but what the heck is Eid al-Adha? Apparently,  Eid al-Adha is a Muslim Holiday in remembrance of Abraham's obedience to God's demand to sacrifice his son, who is spared when God sends a substitute ram at the last minute (you can read about that in Genesis, if you want. It's in the Bible, so Jewish folks and Christians are stuck with it, but most of the priests that I've heard talk about this one sort of hem and haw. Islam, apparently, celebrates it. You gotta figure that family reunions at Abraham's place were, uh, strained. Abraham, "Isaac, could you please pass the yams? Isaac, "Sure, Dad, as long as I get to carve the turkey. You know how you get when you get hold of a knife!" Gales of laughter ensue.) Anyhow, I never thought of any of the Four Horses of The Blue Collar Comedy Tour as messenger of Muhammad. But then, maybe I'm a Redneck.

The Prodigal Son Returns.

Oldest son, his fiance, and their dog, just returned to the Palmetto State from South Korea (they may not forgive me- well, the dog (in the yellow tote) will- for using this photo of the quite road-weary warriors at left). Davis had been gone for more than two years. It's great to see him. His sibs are happy to see him, too, but it's not difficult to pick up a subtle "what's the big deal?" vibe. Reminds me of a story: In the parable of the Prodigal Son , Jesus relates the story of an irresponsible kid who cashed out his inheritance, and went abroad,  leaving his brother to continue to tend to the family business. After wasting all the money on wild living, he found himself starving, and he returned  home. He expected to be rejected by his pop, but his dad was just glad to see him. No lectures; just a big celebration. Prodigal's brother was not pleased. He'd been responsible, hadn't he? Dad didn't throw him any party. He'd been working his tail off, and he railed about how unfair it all was. Pop tells him he appreciated all the good son did, but not to be so hard on his brother: he was lost, but now he's back home. The parable is widely cited as a tale of redemption and forgiveness of the wayward child, and of God's unexpected and unearned mercy toward each of us. We're all that child from time to time... but we're also the good son sometimes, aren't we? We can be jealous of unexpected, and unearned, mercy given to others. So, cheer for the Prodigal Son, but pray for his brother, too!

Stop Your Wining!

I've turned into a winer. I don't drink alcoholic beverages much, anymore, but when I do, generally I'll have a glass- or maybe two- of wine. In the Church year, it's Lent. Lent is a time of reflection and atonement in preparation for Holy Week, as I've mentioned a time or three before. It's also a time when many folks give up unnecessary or frivolous things, such as sweets or alcoholic beverages. Yesterday, I was feeling kinda sanctimonious and, maybe, just maybe, I wanted to get my smug on, I announced that I'd all but decided to give up wine for Lent...


but then I got a sign that maybe I ought to reconsider. The sign? Well, I was reading the Psalms and hit the following in Psalm_104: "Praise the LORD, my soul... He makes ... wine that gladdens human hearts" Or, maybe you prefer King James: "wine that maketh glad the heart of man". Now, I'm not saying God told me to drink! After all, John the Baptist, who worked hard for the Big Guy, didn't touch the stuff, and a lot of folks have trouble with alcohol and really do need to leave it alone. I AM saying I'm pretty sure God doesn't want anyone using him to Lord it over folks. Even during Lent.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Rick Santorum, and Mary I, of England, Walk into a Bar...

My wise grandmother, Gina, told me more than a few times never to discuss sex, politics and religion in public because everyone had an opinion which you were unlikely to change, and that you'd probably just make people angry. I know this to be true, but I just can't help myself sometimes. It's primary season in U.S. politics, which means we get exposed to lots of allegations of "bad" sex and lots of questions about candidates' religious proclivities. The "bad" sex allegations have pretty much been all aimed at Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich. The allegations are well-worn, and I'm frankly a little bored by them. Religion, on the other hand, gets my heart racing. One of my favorite people on the planet recently forwarded along to me an e-mail exhorting me to carefully watch the candidates for there religious stances because of the importance of these practices and views to the proper governance of the Country. So I did. Here's my primer:

Newt was raised Lutheran, became a Baptist, and converted to Catholicism. This combo played pretty well in the Palmetto State, which has been Newt's only primary victory so far.

Mitt Romney is, of coure, a Mormon, and he appears to be a very_active member of the Church of Latter Day Saints . The Latter Day Saints Church shares many characteristics of the Christian Church as described in the early Christian Creeds, but also varies_from_it_in_significant_ways, including its rejection of the Holy Trinity.

Ron_Paul was raised Lutheran, became a Baptist, and had his children baptised as Episcopalians. That's a pretty good smorgasbord of Protestantism, but as far as I can tell, Ron is not trying to convert anyone to any particular religious ideology.

President_Obama's_description of his faith is that he was raised by non-religious parents (his father was an atheist who'd been raised Muslim, and his mother was a lapsed Methodist), but was Baptised in the Trinity Church of Christ in Chicago as an adult. Of his faith, he says "I'm a Christian by choice. My family didn't—frankly, they weren't folks who went to church every week. And my mother was one of the most spiritual people I knew, but she didn't raise me in the church. So I came to my Christian faith later in life, and it was because the precepts of Jesus Christ spoke to me in terms of the kind of life that I would want to lead—being my brothers' and sisters' keeper, treating others as they would treat me" (I've heard people say that they don't believe that President Obama is actually Christian. I guess you could say that about any of the candidates if you wanted to. Like I heard in church camp many moons ago: If you were on trial as a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you? Depends on the standard you use, I guess. I'll take Paul's (the Apostle Paul, not Ron Paul) in Romans_10:9-13. 'Course, trying anyone for being a Christian has been done to death, hasn't it?).

If you want a candidate whose politics match his religion, then Catholic Rick Santorum is your best choice. Rick has apparently said something to the effect that separation of Church and State has caused great harm in America. Give him credit: he's not flip-flopping on his religion. But is bringing the pulpit or altar to the White House a good thing?

The Founding Fathers, most of whom were Christian, made sure to include certain Amendments to the U.S. Constitution to protect the rights of individuals against the awesome power of Government. Their first amendment?

Amendment I. Religion and Expression "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances".

Why would the Founding Fathers want to guarantee that individuals could worship as they please, but deny them the power to have an official American religion? Maybe they remembered Henry VIII's daughter, Mary I of England, a/k/a Bloody_Mary who had a lot of English folks burned at the stake for the crime of not being Catholic.

But that couldn't happen in the age after the Age of Enlightenment, could it? Sure it could. In fact, it happened in post-Wiemar Republic Germany.In a wonderful biography I've just finished on Dietrich_Bonhoeffer, the author, Eric Metaxas, points out that when Adolf Hitler wanted to mold popular opinion to accept genocide, he created an official German Church in order to get rid of the pesky pro-Jewish sentiments that seemed to permeate the Bible (BTW, Metaxas' book is a great read).

So, what's best? Beats me. But I'm always wary of anyone tells me he knows God better than the next guy...

I Want My Mummy (or Zombie Day at St. Jude's).

My mom was a nun. I've mentioned this before, but I may have neglected to mentioned that a mummy may have helped push mommy to run to be a nun. This shouldn't shock you: There're plenty of monsters in the Bible. There are the god/human giants called the Nephilim, of course. And this Sunday past was, apparently, Zombie Day at St. Jude's (and, at many churches who use the Lectionary). First, we started in the Old Testament with Ezekiel's prophesy of God's raising the dead in the
Valley of Dry Bones. After a brief stop-over for sin and death in Romans, we have more gore in John's account of the raising of Lazarus Now, the dude had been dead for, what, four days? Jesus' friend, Martha, said the body'd be stinking by now, but Jesus went on ahead thusly: "Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face". So, what do you think Mary and Martha saw when their brother walked out? A zombie or a mummy, maybe.


Which brings me back to mom and the mummy. AndyMan and I used to torment poor mom (or maybe it was just me. It's been a long time). We'd play tricks on her. "Mom, do these socks smell clean?" was mild. We (or maybe just me) stacked a wig-holder on top of a cloaked hat-rack in mom's closet one day. She wasn't sufficiently startled, so I enlisted my buddy, Russ, to play another trick on her. We wrapped Russ' face in an Ace bandage, gave him a black hat, and a long coat, and stuck him in mom's walk-in closet. Mom always came home from work, went to her walk-in closet to get rid of her coat, and came out to make us supper. You could count on it. Well, for some reason, Mom decided to change her clothes outside of her closet on this particular day. Russ, understandably, panicked. He had no desire to see mom changing her clothes, so he stepped out of the closet and said, "Hey, Mrs. Mathews. Do not be afraid. It's me, Russ". 'Course, Russ had an Ace bandage around his face, so what mom heard was "Rrr Grr Uhh Grr Hmmmph!", which scared mom a lot. Did it contribute to her later decision to join a convent? Well, it couldn't've hurt.

Plague of Frogs.

God gave Moses and Aaron some interesting plagues to scare some sense into the Egyptians: Blood in the water, boils, locusts, hail, darkness, and even mosquitoes and gadflies. My favorite, though, is the plague of the frogs. If you'll check your Bible at Exodus, Chapter 7, verses 26-29. I'll wait... What? Your King James or New International Version stops at verse 25? You can pick it up beginning in Chapter 8, if you want, or go get a New Jerusalem Bible. Mom made sure I had lots of resources in my Bible study, including the Jerusalem Bible and the Apocrypha. Here's what you missed:

"26 Then Yahweh said to Moses, 'Go to Pharaoh and say to him, "Yahweh says this: Let my people go and worship me.
27 If you refuse to let them go, I shall strike your whole territory with frogs.
28 The River will swarm with frogs; they will make their way into your palace, into your bedroom, onto your bed, into the houses of your officials and subjects, into your ovens, into your kneading bowls.
29 The frogs will actually clamber onto you, onto your subjects and onto all your officials." '

Okay, now I get why "You'd better listen, or I'll send frogs" was a threat!

Onan? Oh, Man!

There is more funny stuff out there than most people realize. This generator is behind a fence that I pass every day as I walk to work. Why do I chuckle when I see it? My dad always told me a joke isn't funny if you have to explain it, but dagnammit, I can't help it. o\Onanism is a woefully under-used term (go ahead and click on it. I'll wait). "Onanism" came, as it were, from a dude in the Bible named Onan, who was supposed to sire children by his dead brother's widow for the benefit of said dead brother. He got the goody, but didn't do his duty:

"And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother". Genesis 38:9 (King James Version)

God ultimately gets pissed at Onan, and kills him; ever after, Onan's name is synonymous with baby-less sex. To generate is to beget or procreate. So what's this dude's name doing on a generator? Seems kind of, ahem, counter-productive, if you catch my drift.

Anyway, against my better judgment, I'm including Monty Python's take on the matter: