Whatsa Matta You?

You've seen the commercial with the Baby and the Italian tailor. You know the one I'm talking about: the one for the internet trading service. Well, years before internet trading- years before the internet, even- my brother, the Amazing AndyMan, lived that commercial. Like his brother, my brother can be kind of a smart-alec. Mostly, it's not intentional. Mostly. We just sorta see the absurdity in life, and we don't feel the need to keep it to ourselves. Case in point: Andy and the Italian tailor.

Many jobs and a career change ago, Andy bought a nice suit. It was, apparently, a nice enough suit that it came with complementary alterations. Now, we Mathews' are not known for financial acumen, but we not inclined to turn down anything if it's free; consequently, Andy was getting his new suit altered. Andy immediately noticed two things about his new tailor: first; he was a social sort who liked to talk. A lot. Second; he had not been long in Tampa from his native Italy. This was something that the tailor pointed out to Andy, but, because of the tailor's thick accent, he didn't really need to point out. All through the fitting, the dude is all, "No-a. No-a. Eets-a not-a like-a dat inna the old-a country" (sorry my Italian accent is-a not-a so good). Andy is straining not to tease this poor old fellow, being very careful not to mimic the guy. "Oh, really, kind sir? Is that the truth. Well, well". Andy was getting into it, and was patting himself on the back for his incredible restraint. They were getting down the home stretch when the tailor asked with great enthusiasm, "Now Howsa DAT?". Equally enthusiastically, Andy mimicked, "Oh, DATSA nice!". Somehow- and contrary to Andy's fear- the suit was hemmed perfectly, and the pants leg hems were not four inches different from each other.