A Guy Walks into the Clemson Extension Service...

First, the joke: A dude decides he wants to become a chicken farmer. First he finds a few acres, then he buys a hundred chickens. He's not sure what to do, so he buries them up to the neck, and a week later, they're all dead. He buys another hundred, buries them head-down the next time, but they still died after a few days. Perplexed, he goes to the Clemson_Extension_Service for some advice. The agent asks him to explain the problem. The dude says, "I bought a hundred chickens and buried them up to their necks, but they all died. I tried again a couple of weeks later, but they also died. What's wrong?". The agent pondered for a minute, carefully stroking his chin. "Well", the agent said, "First I'm gonna need a soil sample..."

I'm no farmer. Shoot, I'm having a devil of a time growing grass. The lack of a lush lawn actually, improbably, led me to acquire a soil sample from the front, back and side yards of La Maisson Jeune. We sent them off to the Clemson Extension Service, brought the results to the Flower Barn, where we got some excellent advice, and an invitation to purchase some weed and feed in a week or so. Oh, and our soil is apparently not "chicken grade"...